Is Coaching Right For You?
In my last post, I wrote about how it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out what boundaries looked like within a relationship. For me, it's a combination of respecting my own core values (such as freedom, creativity, and growth) and being able to simultaneously respect someone else's. How about we dive a little deeper though?
First, do you know what your boundaries are? Most of us are aware of the general lines that one does not cross, such as cheating, stealing, lying, or physical abuse. But, in order to fully and completely answer that question, you have to know what your core values are. You can think of core values as this: they are the primary seeds that, when watered, fulfill your soul and motivate you to take positive action. (Mind you, not the ego or the mind, but your soul.)
Once you know your core values, you can have a better grasp on what your boundaries are. But if we fail to pay attention to them, we risk letting other people cross them. This leads to feeling resentful, guilty, or angry, because being forced to compromise on one's values is a quick way to squash one's soul in one fell swoop.
Coaching is a wonderful way to learn what those little seeds are how you can immediately start giving them the love and attention they deserve.
But here's the funky thing about boundaries and values... Sometimes, in order for us to embrace our true, core values, we have to let go of old, conditioned ones. A good example of this is the mother who feels she is supposed to work, because perhaps she was raised to believe that's what smart women do, when all she really wants to do is stay home with her baby. (The complete opposite could also be true here – a mother may want to work, but feel obligated to stay home.) Letting go of these ingrained beliefs is not always an easy process, but it's always a rewarding one.
Here's how to know whether therapy or coaching is the best approach:
Coaching is best for those who:
Are ready to take action now.
Enjoy making forward facing plans and can generally act on them.
Have decent, healthy coping mechanisms (exercising, journaling, or are already seeing a therapist).
Highly value self growth and productivity.
Therapy is best for those who:
Have a history of clinical depression.
Struggle with chronic addiction, mental disorders, or panic attacks.
Are trying to set boundaries within an extremely challenging situation (such as with an abusive family member).
Slide into an intense shame spiral at the thought of sticking up for your values.
With all that said, sometimes the best approach is a combination of therapy and coaching!